infinite distances
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
I love this piece by Rilke... I only read it a few years ago. I like the image of appointing each other to be the guardian of each other's solitude - I have found this so important. And how interesting that in living the "traditional" view/role of marriage that one day some of us wake up and realize there is this infinite distance between us, and what a shock that is! We are suddenly faced with having to give up the fairy tale image of marriage, and see the other person for who they really are, realizing sometimes we really don't know each other as we thought we did. And so we start over, learning to live side-by-side, as a whole new piece of cloth, woven differently, in the richness of solitude; giving up all our expectations of how marriage and the "other" should be... This can take years...
ReplyDeleteYour photo is exquisite... I love how "the path" opens into the *expanse* of the water and merges into "the light." So poetic!
Beautifully articulated, Christine. And thank you. <3
DeleteOne of my favorite quotes on a subject not explored by other writers as much as it should. There are indeed infinite distances between spouses — between all human beings — and the most honorable, creative, and productive response is to remain guardians of each other's solitude. It's a challenge to one's ego, but a challenge that, with practice, can always be overcome.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favourite quotes from a book full of favourite quotes.
ReplyDelete'The guardian of his solitude.'
Beautiful.
'But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
I love Rilke's recognition of this inevitable distance and his concurrent realisation that it's this very distance which can give us appreciation, respect and love for the beloved other by seeing the other as an independent 'whole' — known partially, but also partially mysterious and unfathomable.